Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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