He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
