Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
