I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
