i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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