well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did you just send me my own nude
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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