sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
