its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
