How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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