that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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