you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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