He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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