I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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