His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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