Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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