When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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