Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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