I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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