put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
