I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
