You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
