FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
