Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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