It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
