you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
