I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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