Soap is not a condiment
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
