If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize