The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
