I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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