Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
