People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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