it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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