He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
