THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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