Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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