She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
