10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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