Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
