lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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