im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
