clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
