Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
