Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
