she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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