he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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