Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize