OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
