he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
