WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
