i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
