4 words: hood of his car
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
