Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
