How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
