Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is wine microwaveable?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
