how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
