i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
