I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
