So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
