you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize