This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
