I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize