Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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