no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize