He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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