wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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