Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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