someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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