Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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