Got a toothbrush?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize