At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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