She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
